It's a sordid story, curly as the 200-plus pound porker 's corkscrew tail.
I chose a beer-soaked meaty tube with creamy mash and dumplings over the alternative bratwurst, Glamorgan veggie and simple porker .
But the one he loves is immune to his charms, and with good reason; Dex is a repellent, smug porker with a tendency to wear Bermuda shorts and a flowery head scarf.
At 225 grams, it's no flyweight, but still it's no porker .
She argues that the food companies have in fact been guilty of cynically manipulating the average American into becoming a porker .
It is a genuine little porker with a large, prominent scrotum.
Eat too much and you'll end up a porker - and you alone are to be blame.
His love for fire fighting is promptly extinguished one day when the big-bellied porker runs into a burning warehouse and falls through the creaky floor.
Raising pigs and chicken was his hobby and he bought the porker four years ago.
I'm still quite a porker in parts (I won't get my legs out and it's rare for me to wear a short-sleeved top in public), but I'm OK.